Something's wrong

I don't know what's been happening lately...

I feel extremely sad. I want to stop already and be happy. 

What is this feeling inside of me like I want to ruin everything, even my own happiness.

:(

The feeling like I want to disappear. My bf's not here to help me with this. I guess I'm on my own. I've become so dependent on him lately. Whenever I feel sad, I expect him to call me and make me happy but now he didn't call. I had to wait till 2 in the morning awhile ago for him to call. I feel awful, so desperate. I hate this.

That's why I was thinking of breaking up with him. What have I turned into? This isn't me. Not what I want to be in any case.