I want to be the bubble blower

I was in traffic yesterday and I saw these kids amusing themselves with this basic concoction: Soap + water. one kid would be blowing bubbles and the three kids would dance maniacally trying to pop all the bubbles before they reach the ground.

Heh.

I used to play that game too before. Hmm... Games really must be universal. Is it innate? They give us a toy and we all seem to use it in the same way. We don't need rule books which tell us: To play this game, one person needs to blow bubbles and the rest try to pop them all.

Then I thought how funny it all seemed. When I was a kid, I really hated being the bubble popper. I mean, really, popper? How lame is that? In reality, kids allow themselves to be poppers just so that they could amuse themselves while waiting to be blowers. No fights, no politics. If you think about it, kids seem more civilized than adults. But there are still some, who we call kill-joys, they just want to remain to be blowers, what do we do to them? Isolate them! Heck, if you wanna be a blower, play by yourself. Then they feel sorry and agree to finally be a popper. Problem solved!

But in the adult world, if there is such a thing. Those people who want to be the only blowers, get their way and poppers remain as poppers. There is no transfer of turns and that's why it's so corrupted in the adult world. That's why it sucks being an adult. If you didn't make it to become a blower, you'll never or have a difficult time being a blower.

Hey, the jitney moved, time to go to school.

all formal

i'm starting to think if this relationship is just too formal. too business-like...

but that's the only relationship i have left with you.

i'll hold on to it till the very end.

there's something weird

definitely something wrong here: I'm too happy. It's just not right. Everything seems to be going well in my part. Got a boyfriend, got my dad, now, got great grades. I can't accept it cause it's so unbelievable. I've got no problems at all.

Now, I'm like, finding something wrong. Even the smallest thing wrong. Maybe my boyfriend's gay, or maybe I'll never really see my dad and it will remain like this forever, or MAYBE, these grades are not my grades. damn paranoid!

hahaha...

In my relationship, it's kinda weird cause it's like those 4mos. of waiting never happened. It's like me and andfirst ex hooked up together again which is ewe... THAT won't ever ever happen. Ok, it's not like that at all. But still, I would be lying if I said it didn't feel weird. I would be lying if I said I love him like I used to.

I was almost nearly to the point of making myself numb. Not being bothered by this feelings, almost there. Then, who would have thought that this would happen? And now that it has, I'm like, happy but still in shock mode. I don't know what to think of it. I... was hurt... I don't know if I could trust him as much as I did before cause I might be left just like I was before. But I'll try, cause I want to, cause he makes me happy.

kinakain ang mga salita *munch, munch, munch*

4 months of waiting, all I can say is: Bwisit ka! Swineswerte ka talaga! amf! Buti malakas ka sakin.

hahaha...

It feels stupid you know. But that's that and at this moment, I'm happy naman. Yah, yah, yah, there'll come a time when I'd regret my decision. But it's better than regretting not having done it, not taking the chance.

I still hate myself for being so easy. That easy. gaad... but I can't stop myself. Excuse me and my childish ways, I just do the things I want to do without thinking about the consequences and everything.

Like a spoiled bratt. Wala, wala, wala, eto yung gusto. Eto gagawin ko. Wala na akong paki-alam sa sasabihin nila. Haay... I know what they'll say. Urg.. don't wanna hear it.

I'm just happy now and I want people who really care for me to be happy for me, instead of telling me my wrongs and making me doubt. So to everyone who are happy for me, thanks! ^^

Yes, I know he ain't the perfect apple in the tree. But he's mine and he makes me happy.

daddy

I don't know how to react. My father just contacted me after leaving us for so long.

I'm happy,I mean, duh.. he's my father! But when my mother looks at me.She gets angry. She doesn't understand at all. So, I guess, I can't show that I'm happy. Just be silent and not talk about him openly.

I'm such a kid. Knowing already that my father hurt my mom so much. But openly showing that she doesn't like us talking, that... that just hurts.

I know that things won't go back to the way it was. Unlike in my relationship (which is going pretty well). Here, there's too much damages, too much people concerned. I've accepted my father as he is. He won't come back. We won't have trips like we used to. Nights when he'd lecture us about his plans. Cook for us. I know, we won't have that, but please... let me have this. Let me have what's left of this family.

Before, I always wished he'd just knock in the door in our house and everything would be fine. Just like normal, like before, he'd just suddenly disappear then come home like that too. Not knowing where he goes, not knowing when he'd come home. But now, I know, things like that.. just happens in movies. That would never happen.

So now, I'm happy and sad at the same time. I want to be happy, but me being happy, makes some people feel sad. So I'll just be silent...

^.^

Tapus na ang fieldtrip at ang daming nangyayari.

una, uyy.. may-bf ako! hahaha... masaya ang buhay. uy, may love life na sya. mabuhay uli!!

pangalawa, at ito talaga, nakak-touch. well, parehas silang nakaka-touch, pangalawa, kinontak ako ni papa!! T.T touched... kala ko, i-add lang ako as a friend sa facebook na hindi magpapansinan, hindi, naka-chat ko pa.... ay...

nakaka-ilang.. pero yung nalalaman na hindi ako biabalewala, na importante ako at iniisip pala ako ng dalawang taong 'to. it's everything to me. and tonight, hindi ko lam kung makakatulog ako, kasi nakakatakot matulog, kasi baka bukas, magising ako at malalaman na panaginip lang pala lahat to. :(

lam ko, parang korny ang dating nuh? pero, yun yun... meron rin palang ganun. totoo pala ang linyang yun.

comfortable

I saw him today. I wonder why I can't come up to him and have a normal conversation. Unlike my first ex, I can still talk to him and ask him for favors and stuff, but him? I can't. To even have a normal conversation, I keep thinking what topic? What really? duh.. It's so hard. Even my classmates have a hard time. What do they usually say? uh... natapos mo assignment sa..? or pa-install nga. or something like that. ugh... I don't want to be that lame. It's like you talk to the person only when you need something. Users!! But I do that to him, it's my only excuse to talk to him,ya know. If I don't need anything, I have a problem thinking what to say, at the end, I just don't bother him cause I don't know what to say. Uy, maganda yung weather ngayon nuh? what? so lame... more lame than asking if he did his assignment.

Haay.. Just wish we were friends,like, real friends and not just acquaintances. What did we talk about before, anyway? People, studies, cellphones. haaay... I really don't know.

I'm that kind of person who wants to be friends with everyone, him included. It's such a waste to be close to someone, then suddenly, not talk to each other. I don't know, but that is way weird for me.

I just find it so awkward. Why can't we talk normally, cause of these people who always say something whenever we try to have a normal conversation? It sucks. Aw.. come on! He said we're better off as friends and I later on agreed. Why can't they also agree to that. It just makes things harder, and if things continue... maybe we won't even be friends and I really don't want that to happen.

I may not love the person as much as I did or wished or showede but, hey, I still care. No, I'm not going back to my previous wishing-and-hoping-stage, I'm done, accepted it, it won't happen, but I just want to return to before, before that, to normal friends.

What's so cool about that person is that he is so corny and dorky. Like it's fine to be that. We don't have to be cool all the time. Though I get this vibe that he wants to be cool (everyone's like that), but he fails miserably, in a dorky, geeky fashion that just makes me happy. And sometimes, he just makes my hair stand cause when he makes faces, it's really a big turn-off, but somehow, it makes me happy. So at those times, I'm like, "ewe, hahahahaha *inner thoughts, ewe, but it's cute, and funny, aww.. cute*". It's so comfortable. I've finally realized that, after asking myself again and again, what made him attractive to me, well, that's the answer. He was, before, my dorky, geeky guy which made me happy. I didn't have to hide myself or act cool which I really am not. I'm a geek! So, there.

I just want him back as a friend. That's all I'm saying here..